now

i want to cry.

just gonna say that

just gonna say that...

tumblr > blogspot

i really want to say

i really want to say how i feel like crap and im not in the mood.

dear estelle,

i'll be your male counterpart.

thats right, fuck pip.

that was a huge slap in the face
a big "fuck you"

i don't need this shit.

im out.

i wanna know the answers
no more of this.
i wanna shut the door
and open up my mind

how do i feel?

i could tell you how it feels to distract you from the answer.

i could tell you how it feels to see a gap form in between us.
i could tell you how it feels to seem to fade away.
i could tell you how it feels to think and try not to over think.
i could tell you how it feels to fail and over think anyways.
i could tell you how it feels to be suspicious but still naively trusting.
i could tell you how it feels to play stupid when you know things are dwindling away.
i could tell you how it feels to think you know the reason why everything is falling apart.
i could tell you how it feels to be so heinously wrong, and then paying the consequences for being so afraid.
i could tell you how it feels to have days not your own.
i could tell you how it feels to be washed away in thought.
i could tell you how it feels to seem like you never felt.

i could tell you how it feels to fall out of relevance.

too bad i wont tell you, because that would be irrelevant.

but i will say one thing: the worst feeling is thinking that it is probably your fault, but never really knowing. and that in itself, is your fault.
i think?

those days i even said i dont know why im down and instead excused it as being tired, i realize it was the denial of my own feelings and even the miscommunication betweenthe emotional and physical.

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

space

some ignore it.
some don't.

some see it's limits.
some don't.

some understand it
some don't.

to infinity and beyond.
yet this feels like a rigid contract.

unfortunately

i do not possess an infinite amount of patience. i do have a limit. i do wish. i do hope. i do hurt. i am human too.

but alas.

one wouldn't think so if had looked upon this tie so,
but think that the other heartless and one innocent
however none so great and both are lesser
and either guilty
none hast proven anything
to touch and connect.
a bond eclipsed by tears and hard nights
loosely threaded by hopes and clinging
memories of the past

oh the irony.
frailty, thy name is woman.
across the spans of the cerebral cortex
compassion of none is found
for those who seek to be lost
and find those who hope to be found.
a seeker?
but none lay among us
for victims they have made us all!
and now we lay in shadows as they creep
up our spines and spawn from the depths of our doubt
and feed from our fear and insecurities.
none more satire be scrutinized but still recognized,
all this troubles the mind and heart and soul, if you will.
for they all affect, the mind, heart and soul, if you will.

our emotions give us our humanity.

it makes us rash, illogical and foolish.
be in touch, but don't let yourself controlled.
guilty.

my heart drops everyday.

blip. blop. bloop.

ambiguity only leads to suspicion.

i don't like it when people are vague...especially when i'm purposely trying to clarify something. to someone, to myself...for anything. it makes me wonder more, ask more questions, become more anxious. theres a time to be vague but being vague never helped clear anybody's name. i understand that there are boundaries and that somethings are clearly not my business. but that's not where i'm sticking my nose, so i want to at least know the truth. i hate it when people lie to me. i honestly can't stand it. even if you think something is a white lie, it can still come around and hurt somebody.
just be clear and honest with me, please. i want the whole truth and not some skirted, around about half truth. i dont understand whats so difficult about telling the truth if theres nothing to hide.
i'm not accusing anyone of anything, but im just frustrated that i can't get the whole truth when i know i deserve it.

i honestly

don't need much to be happy. i'd honestly consider myself low maintenance?
its just...over and over.
i feel like a dog thats been waiting all day just to be thrown a bone. just a bone.

i need you to at least meet me half-way...

this hurts a lot.

i think

i've reached my capacity of making things better, not my limit to do more, but to any extent of effectiveness. im just old news by now. i'm routine and probably getting less interesting by the day.

not that i am unwilling, but rather inadequate.

i dont know.

deja vu.

i tell myself not to give up but i get no where and things stay the same.

i doubt that i am making you as happy as you deserve.

and i feel like i'm sure someone new will make you happier. i love your smile but it doesn't shine on me anymore.

i'm trying, i promise. i've been trying.

i'm sorry.

what the

i hate that feeling where you know you should be able to trust someone but then at the same time something in your gut suspects that they have ulterior motives and crap.

idk. i think the whole situation makes me feel insignificant because well...just in case someone actually read this, nvm.

if you truly care about someone, youll want them to be happy. you want them to be happy with you, but if they aren't, it'd be selfish to make them stay

i seriously have to say

i seriously have to say to myself in my head "you're not a complete loser. God loves you. God loves you."

I am understood?

You looked into my life and never stopped and you're thinking all my thoughts are so simple, but so beautiful and you recite my words right back to me before I even speak you let me know, I am understood

boring obnoxious.

tired.

i like the post formatting on blogspot better thantumblr. but i like tumblr's home page/dashboard setup a lot more.

so tired...need more sleep.

so tired...need more sleep.

i dont like being sick.

i dont like being sick. i dont. blah...please take me home.

i hate it when people

i hate it when people victimize themselves to subconciously avoid responsibility.

i dont know who im

i dont know who im talking to. i just feel like ive been twisted and bent out of shape. i thought i could trust you to keep your word.

you were right

vilg sa.

[Baby] zapym kaiie cuhaim zybzesy cause you should be my lady unyah cekyh ketynoau uh hym tunypfyzfu hunyaky immesoauh eza hauhaih kaify boauhkcyahkaim rysggaryzou uhaine uze yhgenaim kainauga hy syaem pys keturyahhaihta

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

ed'c hud ypuid sa. ed'c hajan ypuid sa. uv luinca hud, pid fro ec ed ymfyoc ypuid oui? syopa buccepmo fryd ev e ryt bnupmasc. ys e ajah ymmufat du ryja bnupmasc uv so ufh? frahajan e ryja so ecciac, oui vnayg yht tuh'd ihtancdyht, frah oui yllica sa uv hud ihtancdyhtehk un dnoehk du ihtancdyht.

xD im so broke. and my parents are upset at me for that fact. i think ill have to isolate my wallet from the outside world and online shopping etc...gah. im screwed. i need to start saving up more. haha im so stupid.

i feel like such a tool. i knew it. empty now too. dang.

boundaries
i just need to sleep more...i cant function on this little sleep for so long. maybe some people can but i cant. i think we both just need the respect and understanding necessary period. if genuine, then things should turn out better.

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

i just dont know what

i just dont know what to think...things seem so different, and im being pushed away more everyday.

i feel so small and

i feel so small and tiny and insignificant and minisculey important.