i can't think of a title for this

i don't feel awkward or weird...i feel bad. guilty. like i destroyed something innocent. something that was never bad. something that was always nothing but good to me.

i was just lying to myself, carelessly assuming it wasn't me and that i was just on the side and but i chose to ignore what was so obvious because i was too full of myself. i had my wonders and doubts but i never really said anything because i thought we were on the same page but looking back i realize that what i thought was contrary to reality and maybe for sure i was disillusioned all along.

i probably hurt you. i'm sorry. i'm worried. sorry for making you feel anything but happy. worried...that we'll become strangers again. i know everything bad that might or is going to or about to happen is my fault. most of all i'm afraid of hurting one of the closest friends i've ever had and damaging a good relationship.

i want to say something...i want to do something. i just don't know what. i wish i was good with these things...it's too soon to say, i know...but i don't want to lose you and how close we were...but it's not about me. i really don't want to, but if need be, i'll let you go if i have to. who knows.

i wish i had all the answers. stupid. but i wish i knew what to say or exactly how to act. i wanted to be the best friend i could be to you but now im sure i ended up being the exact opposite.

a good friend wouldn't have let this happen. you deserve better. the best.