fallen off the shelf
half of me.
is laughing
at myself.
half of me.
is dying
on the inside.
i remember why...

those moments of bliss
at the time i once cherished
corrupted and twisted to a pumpkin from a carriage.
seven deadly sins, a hysterical line
feeding off a siren going off in my mind
i lost half my life
a big part i thought essential
but i didn't understand
my mind so closed and provincial
a polluted environment
lead to an amoral mind
wasting my time
spending effort in vain
a jerk move,
the reject
spewing grossly insane.
but that one-time impression
left an indefinite scar
i should have seen it coming
but couldn't see very far
maybe thats why it pained—
for that instance, the most
i thought we were tight, intimate, close.

i remember all these negative aspects
a side nobody knows
my thoughts i'd project
to my insecurities exposed,
defense mechanisms i used to protect
myself and my pride
and compromised integrity
and bought all of the lies
wouldn't swallow the truth
that was in front of me.
i channeled them and formed them
as kind of inspiration
i followed half a ghost without blind hesitation
i took out my aggression
some spontaneous feelings
playing off emotions
never stop for the healing
i remember exactly why this kind of thing was appealing
bouncing off walls
from the ground to the ceiling.
the sound blasting through the space of my head
and my thoughts manifested
the hate i constructed
and experimentally tested
a bullet in life that shot right by
i saw you in the mirror
looked straight into the eyes
of the visage of my family and
faces that cry
i finally convinced myself
i didn't want to die

-----------------------------------

the 3rd half of me
is hungry [:

excuse me because
im a little delirious
so excuse me. please.
dont take it too serious.

oh gosh, i think i made it worse.