this is a test to see if i can organize thoughts...at all.

uhm...i think i did something bad to my head.

ow.

i am blogging.

this morning, i ate the peanut butter puffin cereal that nom nom sent me.

awesomeness yo...delicious.

JOHNNY CUPCAKE!

i played ryan and elias in tennis.
i won 6-3 against ryan and 6-1 against elias...

uhh...my stomach hurts.

i ate a lot of food at club expo...i think i ate half of our club's food...that we were suposed to sell.. wooops.
*burp.

OH. we randomly had cupcakes...even though we are chinese club.
i ate those too.

i felt totally G rockin my johnny cupcake shirt that nom nom gave me :D


ow. i get these periodic head throbs.

i dont want to say why my head hurts because its stupid.
and you will laugh.
or maybe you will be like "wtf"

math test...i did better.

i haven't talked for a couple of hours.

i super glued my phone case.
yay.
crazy glue ftw.!

my stomach is killing me.

i swear...that mocha frappacino i had in the morning was a bad idea.
it had me cracked up all but i crashed so hard...and during the wrong time.

the time i was awake...uhm it was like 97% high energy 3% focus


did this make sense? i heard something about shrimp scampi for dinner.

ol' school yo

look at me...

rockin' the beat up converse weapons...
OL' SCHOOL.
thats wassup.

and the shirt that greg got me from japan. wooh.
Project Arms.

its a little small on me, but its all good. at least i know its supposed to be because its a size small...
unlike the American Apparel jacket that i got...
which is a size 2XL and yet i am still too LARGE.
or maybe it is simply too small.

im a boss.

-----------------------------------------------

why don't you just keep it real?...
say it how it is, man.
cut the bullship and tell me how it REALLY happened.

seriously...as much as i enjoy hyperboles and exaggeration for comical means...
i abhor the distortion of facts to heighten one's peer status.

--------------------------------------------------------

i had a long talk with my mom today...it was cool.
deep stuff yo.
because me and my mom are tight like that.

...even though she harangued me earlier today
when i was on the phone with nom nom...haha sorry about that.

--------------------------------------------------------

on a really awesome note...
NOM NOM's package was delivered today!

i was at the APUSH study session after school today and jennifer texts me, telling me that i "have a package from tiffany ding" haha.
super stoked to come home and make a video and eat eggs and blah blah blah blah...anyways!
SUPER dooper munchies and treats and sweets etc etc...

*looks at belly pooch
.........

*sighs.

OH well ! :D

AWESOME!!!!!!!!

'tis glorious...

wonderful...absolutely wonderful.


THANK YOU, NOM NOM! i love you!

chewie<3nom nom.


woooohhheeeeee.

off to plumpen and fatten myself...!

word to your mother

before hairspray.

to nom nom...2 words: belly pooch...! ]:
......

2 MORE words: BAD tan.

omg its so freaking late. i hate myself. wtheck am i doing.

im going to wake up in 3 hours.

this doesn't look so good...

going to bed kind of glum...again?
...bleh.

i know you won't read this.


you dont know.
and im not sure if you ever will.

i say it straight to your face all the time...
alas...the cycle continues.
nothing changes.

you're so oblivious.

i can't stand it.

im scared that you'll never learn.
because you can't teach an old dog new tricks...or can you?

its ironic, because you claim that you want to change...
yet you hold onto your past, despite your knowing the damage it has on you.
what is it that keeps you from letting go and growing up? moving on?
and here, i thought ...nvm
i guess wisdom doesn't always come with experience and age.

...its because you don't understand.
its because you can't and won't understand.
you refuse to learn.

is it possible?...one day...?
*hopes

...maybe one day...*crosses fingers.


thanks, though
i like learning by counter-example [sarcasm?]


*sighs.


i love you.
i love you to death, but i won't grow up to be like you.
i promise.
you'll be more proud of me this way, trust me.
i promise.

-----------------------------------------------------

i want to write some lines...but i have APUSH homework...

omg.
SAT on saturday...and APUSH Exam next friday.

good luck, comrades.

wow...uhm. disregard that. i think

wow...uhm. disregard that. i think im going to delete that post when i get home....
yeah.

did one of those random itunes shuffle survey things...

i found a track...

gah...i swear i want to runaway and cry and stupid ish like that.

i think maybe i just need someone to talk to and listen.
i think i need a hug.

dont listen to me. ignore me.
i should be sleeping, and im not...so this is what i get.

.......

i think i am going to sob.

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

------------------------------------------------------

i have been kind of bummed lately.
sad? i guess.

idk whats up with me.
idk why im trippinn...

bleh...anyways. i need to snap out of it...and pronto

i know i'll probably sleep it off tonight, and be okay in the morning...but until then.
and for future concern...i need to stop this.

i drank a gallon of water in the past 35 minutes..............................
*bloat

i had 2 breakfast burritos for dinner tonight.
im becoming larger and larger.

not good.

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders
I ain't never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it
Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter
I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to
I'm supposed to set an example
I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em
If some shit ever does pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em
That Ja shit I tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it
There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it
I heard him say Hailie's name on a song and I just lost it
It was crazy, this shit went way beyond some Jay-z and Nas shit
And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it
That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions was good
I went through my whole career without ever mentionin' Suge
And that was just out of respect for not runnin' my mouth
And talkin' about something that I knew nothing about
Plus Dre told me stay out, this just wasn't my beef
So I did, I just fell back, watched and gritted my teeth
While he's all over t.v. down talkin' a man who literally saved my life
Like fuck it i understand this is business
And this shit just isn't none of my business
But still knowin' this shit could pop off at any minute cause

There used to be a time when you could just say a rhyme
And wouldn't have to worry about one of your people dyin'
But now it's elevated cause once you put someone's kids in it
The shit gets escalated, it ain't just words no more is it?
It's a different ball game, callin' names and you ain't just rappin'
We actually tried to stop the 50 and Ja beef from happenin'
Me and Dre had sat with him, kicked it and had a chat with him
And asked him not to start it he wasn't gonna go after him
Until Ja started yappin' in magazines how we stabbed him
Fuck it 50 smash 'em, mash 'em and let him have it
Meanwhile my attention is pullin' in other directions
Some receptionist at The Source who answers phones at his desk
Has an erection for me and thinks that I'll be his resurrection
Tries to blow the dust off his mic and make a new record
But now he's fucked the game up cause one of the ways I came up
Was through that publication the same one that made me famous
Now the owner of it has got a grudge against me for nothin'
Well fuck it, that motherfucker can get it too, fuck him then
But I'm so busy being pissed off I don't stop to think
That we just inherited 50's beef with Murder Inc.
And he's inherited mine which is fine ain't like either of us mind
We still have soldiers that's on the front line
That's willing to die for us as soon as we give the orders
Never to extort us, strictly to show they support us
We'll maybe shout 'em out in a rap or up in a chorus
To show them we love 'em back and let 'em know how important it is
To have Runyan Avenue, soldiers up in our corners
Their loyalty to us is worth more than any award is
But I ain't tryna have none of my people hurt and murdered
It ain't worth it, I can't think of a perfecter way to word it
Then to just say that I love ya'll too much to see the verdict
I'll walk away from it all before I let it go any further
But don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coppin'
I'm just willin' to be the bigger man
If ya'll can quit poppin' off at the jaws, well then I can
Cause frankly I'm sick of talkin'
I'm not gonna let someone else's coffin rest on my conscience cause

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

i had breakfast burritos for dinner today. nice.

i won my #1 singles match against hami today. yayuh...

i should be doing homework. uhg...im so BLEH right now.

peace...


oh ohhh uh huh yeah.

i miss you.

*delete delete delete............

deuce...its monday tomrrow.

im so ADD right now...omg. its been 2 hours and ive done 3 english entries...i FAIL.

---------------------------------------------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!

tomorrow is her birthday...and shes going to Disneyland.
how awesome is that?


work work workk...WORK.

im doing my IRL on lemony snicket's series of unfortunate events. i rule.

not a happy camper.

*sigh.

motherfudger.

i swear i dont want to be dead, i just dont wish to be like this...

i read my fb notes over and it made me feel ridiculous. i think im going to make them all private.

looking back i look like a major psycho. haha...uhm. darn.

i dont feel like talking about feelings.
not now.

at least i am not acutely nostalgic like i used to be...i dont think, at least.

darn it.

i keep procrastinating...i swear i have ADD.
idk whats up with me...

im so confused.

please be real.
stop being such a fake-o...thats not cool.

im going to go crash into the sun and die.

stolen from nicko

1. Have you ever had braces?
nah.

2. Do you think you're pretty?
im PRETTY...hungry right now.

3. Do you brush your teeth daily?
2 to 3 times a day

4. If you forget to brush them, do you feel gross?
uhh...major.

5. What was the last thing that you printed?
camp forms

6. Did you vote for Obama?
im only 16......i would have voted for green party though...sike

7. Do you have a cell? If so, what kind do you have?
yes. lg env2...i abhor verizon...uhg.

8. Do you have any annoying cousins?
they're all 7 and under...uhm.

9. What's your favorite number?
idk...17?

10. What about color?
blue in general...but it depends on what.

11. What color socks are you wearing?
mostly white with grey heels and black stripes....................adidas

12. Name 5 things you want to do before you die.
1. get married and have children take over the world. nom nom nom munch
2. become yelp elite (this goal is sort of on hold, until i am legal and qualified)
3. travel...A LOT.
4. have eaten an expansive variety of food (always down for new food!...almost always.)
5. jizz in my pants from eating something that amazing.

13. Do you like Miley Cyrus?
i don't know her songs. i dont really care.

14. What about Jonas Brothers?
same as 13

15. Do you play an instrument?
used to...not really anymore.

16. If so, have you ever been to band camp?
im too cool for that, yo! haha...nah. ive just never been.

17. What's your favorite shape?
cupcake-shaped...or aviator ish shaped

18. Do you doodle a lot in school?
a little...some...enough...yeah.

19. What was your worst subject?
history...darn it.

20. What kind of music do you listen to?
hip hop, rap, r&b...some rock and alternative? used to listen to some j-pop.

21. Have you ever heard of Britt Nicole?
singer? never heard any of her songs though.

22. Are your nails painted?
no...is this survey for girls?

23. Have you ever been to a spa?
technically...

24. Do you go tanning?
no.

25. Does anything hurt on your body?
nooooooooo.

meh...ive taken better surveys.

-------------------------------------------------------------
flashback psycho.

some used to say i had a big heart.
tell me i have a heavy heart.
tell me i have a cold heart.
tell me i am heartless.
—tell me i have an icebox where my heart used to be.


I once had faith in who I thought were warm people.
But I found everyone is ice in a world cold as snow.
Not a winter wonder land.
A fantasy gone wrong.

You can't hide who you are from the world forever.
Who you really are isn't hard to discover.
Put up your facade when you face the the world.
Everything you think is based on what you are told.
You show your true colors
When you're "under the covers",
In the back stage,
But I can see right through you
Like the glass on a gauge.
Dodge me true
You think you're fast
You won't get by, I can see right past
Because I can read you like the gauge in the glass
I can see right through you and read your intentions.
God, please help me with divine intervention.
From a world so sick, I'm sorry that I'm part of it too.
There's no point of lying because You can see right through.

Establish a maze, a wall around your "heart".
To hide your non-existent heart. Say I contradict myself, a controversy of paradox.
You're a heartless being. Haha. Isn't it Ironic.
We're all slowly going insane.
Use this maze you created and like Jig-Saw—
You want to play a game.
Step on whoever it takes to make yourself a name.
Do whatever it takes to make it to fame.
You're not any different from anyone else
You're all the same.

Mind my own buisness.
Tell me "Go back to the country you came from"
IM FROM AMERICA YOU STUPID ASH.

What do you hold close to yourself?

Maintain your own safety.
Compromise yourself.
Strive for complacency. Haha.
I laugh.

But you're heartless.
We're all heartless.
Maybe you don't know,
Or say that you aren't, [or at least that you show..]
Yeah whatever.
You piss me off.
We all have a soul,
You have yours, and it has its own goals;
Establish the American Dream, strive for complacency.
But your soul watches from the inside,
Waiting for corruption.
Giving into greed—
Pride and seduction.

but you're nothing
that i once thought you were.
i once thought we were alike.
but nobodys the same.

but maybe someday i'll be just like you
and step on people like you do
pissed off at people
who are teaching me how to hate.
i'll let my words fly and hope this world is great.
"things will work out for the best", it's all part of fate.

It's people like you.
Who make people like me.

I have a heart.
This muscle still beats.
But it pumps streams of ice
Out on the streets.

like im stupid standing for
what im standing for
i'm sick of being treated like i have before.

you don't know what you got til it's gone.


I guess this is fate.



I'm NOBODY's BEACH, BETCH.

--------------------------------------------------

im tired...really tired.

and that was disgusting. i can't believe that once came from me.

i am an idealist.
i have an idea list.

DARN. im craving kbbq now and theres NO way i can attain any...my brother went tonight without me...with his friends.
because they're cool and im not.

boo.

i miss you, gyenari.
your kalbi is so bomb @ss...and bulgogi...foodgasmical.

tonight was fun. cupcake nomm nom nom.

checkkk it on youtube.

this post serves no true purpose. [:

but i am going to go to bed. good night.

right now im just chillin
just like another villain
hangin out like dracula
on the freakin ceilin

i dont know what to do...im at work...i already munched on some ritz peanut butter bitz...

that AP mock test wasnt as bad as i thought but it was still painful.
ohhh...but i guess it was worth it because there was free bagels and donuts...omg i grabbed like 5.

phone is dying...