dear estelle,

i'll be your male counterpart.

thats right, fuck pip.

that was a huge slap in the face
a big "fuck you"

i don't need this shit.

im out.

i wanna know the answers
no more of this.
i wanna shut the door
and open up my mind

how do i feel?

i could tell you how it feels to distract you from the answer.

i could tell you how it feels to see a gap form in between us.
i could tell you how it feels to seem to fade away.
i could tell you how it feels to think and try not to over think.
i could tell you how it feels to fail and over think anyways.
i could tell you how it feels to be suspicious but still naively trusting.
i could tell you how it feels to play stupid when you know things are dwindling away.
i could tell you how it feels to think you know the reason why everything is falling apart.
i could tell you how it feels to be so heinously wrong, and then paying the consequences for being so afraid.
i could tell you how it feels to have days not your own.
i could tell you how it feels to be washed away in thought.
i could tell you how it feels to seem like you never felt.

i could tell you how it feels to fall out of relevance.

too bad i wont tell you, because that would be irrelevant.

but i will say one thing: the worst feeling is thinking that it is probably your fault, but never really knowing. and that in itself, is your fault.
i think?

those days i even said i dont know why im down and instead excused it as being tired, i realize it was the denial of my own feelings and even the miscommunication betweenthe emotional and physical.

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