right now

i just want to yell.

ive...definitely had better days.

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
The last night away from me

The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand
I will help you hold on
Tonight, tonight

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

I won't let you say goodbye
And I'll be your reason why
The last night away from me
Away from me

BLAHHHHHHHH

this was actually a facebook note that i never published...

word to you, trick
next time i'll know just how to dodge the bullet
i'll sniff you out, wont stand for the bullshit
this isn't what either of us intended
but i can't see us ever being mended
lets look into our mirrors
tell me exactly what you see
because i see a maven
and you see a fiend


next time i'll know to dodge the bullet
hopefully i'll be able to recognize a self-seeking, chronic lying psychopath.
i'll take the high road
and you'll keep walking the same path that you're used to.
have fun at your pity parties and playing marionette, bitch.

-------------------------------------------------------

but no hard feelings now...eh?

i try to pretend that you're not the beautiful girl i fell in love with.

no no no no no oon on on on ono o no no no non on on

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo




i refuse to lapse.


focus, steven...focus.


uh. well i watched a lot of youtube videos tonight...
*distraction.

wooh
im level 18 restaurant city.
spent 30k feng shui-ing everything.
now i have like 2000.

-----------------------------------------------

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER:

http://twitter.com/ChinkLightning

food.
tennis.
thoughts.
polls.

random everyday life.


CURRENT POLL: cold stones or baskin robins?

voting ends tomorrow night! respond via comment, twitter, facebook or text message.

-------------------------------------------------

HUNGRY now. omgs...


auntie kerrin's bday party dinner tonight.
good food and
her testimony went well...but
this guy.
uhg
ridickyulous. THANKS DUDE!

not...

ya douche.

Admit it
We're finished,
You don't want me no more
Like a nightmare,
I lived it
It was too big to ignore
I hear the sirens but they pass me by.
My hazard lights are flashing...
Somebody, anyone—

Help
'Cause its an emergency.
Someone just wounded my heart.
So help,
Its like a bad surgery
And now its time to recharge.
I'm starting over taking,
One, two, baby steps.
Three, four, baby steps.
Five, six, baby steps.
I'm starting over again.

Abandonded, yeah I'm crying.
Its like you left me for dead
I'm so broken,
My love's frozen.
How do you live with regrets
I see the memories flash before my eyes.
My tank is running empty
Somebody rescue me.

Its unexplainable, kind of and unattainable when the person you love aint enough.
I feel so pitiful, look at my face you'll know the pain is in my eyes.
I need some, help.

if read out of context, i can see how, at some parts, it can look like a desperate psycho's SOS


the infamous RESTAURANT CITY

the name of my restaurant: food & toilets

i am very close to level 16 on restaurant city.


rock onn.

retracing my elementary roots...

currently at mar vista elementary school "chaperoning" my sister who wanted to meet up with a group of friends...etc.

apparently, my memory isnt the best because a lot of asians "reintroduced" themselves as someones parents or friends or whatever...haha and i only remembered a little over half of them...the other, i just pretended to know...i guess for the sake of not looking like a complete douche.

being here brings back lots of memories. not good or bad ones. just memories. period.

a little bit nostalgic..or maybe i just feel like a loser sitting on a bright yellow bench surrounded by a bunch of little kids and their parents...i feel like im at a pedophile convention.

anyways, i had tri tip roast and an awesome wedge salad for dinner.
during that time, i informed them of nom nom's visit in august. my mom then proceeded to ask if we were romantically involved. LOL

awesome. haha.

running out of text space. will update more when i get home...maybe.

hungry.
(what else is new?)

Girl I got some things to say
Sit down put your phone away
Don't want no interruptions
Baby, listen I can't do this
Something's missin

Always said hat you would change
Don't try to cut me off baby
Girl you hold me back
I'm out the door, that's that

Everytime I say I'm gone, I prove me wrong
'Cause I'm addicted
I'm addicted to you

I try and try to leave but I just can't let
You go 'cause every single moment
My heart says that I just can't quit
I'm like the ending of a movie that you just don't get
I don't show up late, I never forget
You got me running circles in my head
No I can't quit, you're my bad habit

I know I said I couldn't stay
I tried so hard to walk away
But girl you got me itching,
You got me wishing
I could break myself of you

I try to be alone baby,
But you just take control of me
And I keep tryin' hide it, and I deny it
I don't need you any more but

Everytime I say I'm gone, I prove me wrong
'Cause I'm addicted
I'm addicted to you

I try and try to leave but I just can't let
You go 'cause every single moment
My heart says that I just can't quit
I'm like the ending of a movie that you just don't get
I don't show up late, I never forget
You got me running circles in my head
No I can't quit, you're my bad habit

The first step is claiming that I'm wrong
I never take the blame no,
So help help make myself get better
Tell me that I'm yours forever
Are you addicted to me?

I don't show up late, I never forget
You got me running circles in my head
No I can't quit, you're my bad habit

I try and try to leave but I just can't let
You go 'cause every single moment
My heart says that I just can't quit
I'm like the ending of a movie that you just don't get
I don't show up late, I never forget
You got me running circles in my head
No I can't quit, you're my bad habit

its like falling in love all over again...
but i wont make the same mistakes again. im very tempted to put the picture up...idk why. i kind of think its funnny that i want to.

these nights
these times
this makes me...
sad.

thank you

dont know what id do without someone like you.

it wouldnt make sense...none of this would mean anything.

thank you.

im eccstatic
i feel
the magic
its everlasting
i think that you were meant to be alive on this very night...
with me
i see
it clearly...
the dream
you hear about
you never truly think its realistic
'til it blows your mind
i never thought that i could understand how it could be such a need...

scandalous.

it's so beautiful, yet...

this can't be right.

"can't read through my poker face"

------------------------------------------

why did i delete my xangas?...i wish i could read back on what i wrote...haha

old school blooging yo!



I told my momma
I wouldn’t sing another sad love song
I gotta get you outta my system
Then again I never had someone ever do me so wrong
So now I’m gone, finished
Cause when I think about it
And start to reminiscing
I realize that your time is over

you're the only person who knows.





why?

because

we're tizzight.

like that.

you.
on my mind.
all the time.
like my fro.
and girl.
i love you.
more than you'd ever know

my diet is failing.

uhh...yeah.

"im growing quite plump."

that is all.




WAIT.

haha one more thing..

@ kbbq on saturday, nicole, noel's older sister was like "hey wait, you're steven...right? i remember you used to come over and play...weren't you like...really fat before?" ROFL.
i was like "...yep i was the obese one...and you taught me what 'rape' meant in 4th grade" (in a joking, non-standoffish kind of way.)


THAT, is all.

"GOOD"

that's my weekend in one word...i guess.
it was tiring and busy...but lots of fun.
it was good.

karaoke and a bunch of random hanging out on friday, ate my heart out saturday night, played tennis til 12:30am sunday night/monday (today) morning and bowled for 3 hours today...those were the "biggest" events...but anyways... btw...my bowling skills...so clutch. hahah! ate at UCLA quite a few times this weekend...well twice. haha. im so tired right now.
...i haven't vlogged for a while. oh well. that's probably a good thing. seriously falling asleep...at the keyboard.


...

blah.

you pretend like you don't care
you pretend like its nothing
but
i know that you feel
i know that you hurt inside.

-----------------------------------------------------------

RANDOM...flashback flashback

the day me and ryan switched jackets. yeeuh.

the "jaw-dropping in a dress", Kristin Fukushima. aha...
this @ UCLA, last year for AP readiness classes...hahah those failed.
we always just ate.


why i put this on here...it was among other "flashback" pictures.
thought i'd throw it in. what the heck, right?
made this card for valentines '08...as you can see, im not very artistic.
it opens up too...but the pictures inside aren't for your eyes.

shhh...because i have raunchy pics on the DL.
PLEASE DON'T HACK MY COMPUTER/PHONE. HAHAHA...sike.

paris hilton, vanessa hudgens, cassie, rihanna...etc. then steven.
pwaha.
*scandal

im good.
yes sir...good.

be prepared for a lot of words

lets stay up,
you and me until the break of dawn.
i promise ill hold you from the morning cold.
i wanna stay up with you all night long
the birds are chirping
and the dew set in
let's fall asleep next to each other again.

sometimes...it seems as if the sun rises and sets too quickly...those beautiful moments aren't long enough...

we were both young when we first met
i close my eyes and those moments flashback
im laying here, starting to reminisce
i see the party, hear the music,
and i feel what i felt when i took your hand

"you'll never have to be alone
i love you and that's all i really know..."

uhm uhm...its 6:30am.

should i go to sleep or just stay awake. lol

5/22/09

confessions

-----------------------------------------------

yesterday, we went to Karaoke at Sawtelle for Erin's birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN!
18 years, eh?

anyways...

her mom picked up food from tofu ya...
i love Tofu Ya...
i love korean food...yes, sir.
AWESOMENESS...
oh yeah, and im going to korean bbq today for someone's birthday... *ahem

what's up with all the birthdays in may???

i swear im going broke buying birthday gifts etc.
haha jk.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

haha...i love how my love for korean bbq has influenced so many people.......................................?

birthdays + kbbq = YES.

aha!
okay im getting lazy.
i'll just make a list-ish type thing

then
greg came over randomly (of course)
we talked
he drove me to desiree's
our bunch of the friends finally got to hang out...
because i failed them last week.
apparently that was all my fault that i had prior plans. pwaha.
*joking...?
they ordered a whole pizza...just for me.
speaking of which, im pretty hungry right now...
and im trying to drink more milk.
so
and someone had their first kiss *ahem
[confidential...don't have the consent. have to say, though. it's cute]
we all watched quantum of solace
i was on the fat rocking chair like a boss
kristen crushed me fighting for the total boss rocking chair
then i crushed her
i think somewhere in there, we played scrabble.
hahahahhaha...
gosh i haven't played that in ages.
[its getting really light out... :D]

jordan fell asleep watching the movie
its 7:00am now...im so slow at blogging...
partially because im multi-tasking blogging with restaurant city...and im tired.
im contemplating sleep.
uh...what else.
oh, i missed my VBS meeting. uhg...miscommunication.

shout out to michelle!
whenever we SHOULD see each other, we don't. rofl...it always ends in utter failure.
no worries, we'll see each other for a whole week in june!

my sister fell asleep on the couch last night, and just got up and fell asleep in my room.

i played tennis in my boxers yesterday, because
1. i forgot my shorts
2. it was only a 38 minute practice/period
3. i wanted to play (which is a bigger deal than you probably realize...)

don't worry, my boxers have the buttons on them.

blah blah blah...im tired. *yawn

i rock my own socks.

i think im beginning to actually enjoy tennis........

maybe?

awesome.

restaurant city on facebook is freaking addicting.

haha...

i need to get a life.

5/21 was kristin fuku and jake d's birthdays...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA BOTH.

---------------------------------------------------

totally forgot i was blogging...i started this about an hour ago, and got sidetracked, strategizing with my brother...


im hungry...tired...etc. i feel like staying up late though...

there are helicopters flying around outside.

i dont know what's going to happen tomorrow...what do i do!?

i wonder which plans will fall through, because ever since tonight, i have 5 different pending plans for tomorrow...


yikes.

its because of all these birthdays in may...haha




i wrote a poem.

the long lost VMK.

VMK closed down exactly a year ago.

that game was kind of entertaining at times.
i wish they still had it......
kind of depressing yo.

i remember i kept getting banned...im such a badass like that.
no but seriously, darn.

i know you think im lame now (if you didn't already), but oh well!

VMK was the shizz. i used to play that back in middle high with parisa and rita and other people.


*sigh.

wooohh...whats next?

portentous........not this again.

stomache and head ache...
*plops to the ground.

*rubs belly

me and greg are going to get froyo for 7 days straight......................i think ill be tired of it.

i think i use this too much as a substitute...
uhm. uhm. uhm...

i dont want to stop blogging, but maybe i need to talk to some peeps first...straighten out my head and what.

maybe ill just blog when i really really want to...........

blah blah blahhhhhhh...

i think im slightly delirious from the froyo. so excuse me.


i read cory's note and nostalgia kicked in (FRICK)
so i dug these puppies up.

He's infatuated with her
She's in love with love
His feelings grow old and wither
The love she found was an empty illusion.
Lies are told—
Used as fuel to keep an artificial fire alive.
Thoughts swept under the rug
Each one
Lying to themselves and the other
But neither one is aware of it.
Her secrets kept quiet
His heart left unspoken
Two heavy hearts
Are born,
These paper roses.

What is happening?
Where does this lead?
When does this end?

Both are running—
One long race
Each jogging at their own pace
With a vague idea
And a definite destination
Each take separate paths
To achieve for their own.
She can't find a method
He can't find a reason
Hoping for something greater
Than their foundation was made for.
Deception and resentment
Was the acid
And the corroding element
In this complication

What does she say?
What does he want?
Where will it all go?
What's the purpose?
What's the reason?

A mere illusion
And a simple misconception of oneself.
Confused?
It is a complex conflict held together by a web of lies.

I dare them to love.
The true reality scoffs at the idea
But the Cloud 9 they're on urges them to say "Bring it on."



this is just sick. and not in a good way

This kid I know.
He writes a lot of notes.
And he first started out
Inspired by a broken spirit.
It's...uh... It's funny.
He sits in front of the computer
Even when he's tired.
It's funny that
He'll write
Because he's deeply inspired.

So he says:
My head is throbbing. My heart is yearning.
My heart is ice. My body is burning.
A shell without a cause, yet a soul with a reason—
Loyal and genuine but trapped in a shell of treason.
A word of truth in an essay of lies.
An agent undercover, behind enemy lines.

Oh, tell me will I ever escape?
I don't know which way to go
Which path do I take?
I am the clay
Waiting to take shape.

Do I understand this kid?

He goes on to say again:
My head is throbbing.
I want to throw up.
I can smell Korean BBQ for some reason.
But it's making me noxious.
Read my "poem" but don't
Take note of how I am doing.
I am going to sleep under my computer desk tonight.
I don't know why.
I feel like CRAP
Out of a bull's anus.
Fresh crap.
Maybe I'm just dehydrated.
No, I'm not.
Do I want to die?
Do I need a good cry?
I don't matter.
Do I matter?
She's "got bigger fish to fry"
Where do I come up with some of this stuff
Why do I say it.
Why do I publish notes.
This anxiety.
I feel really screwed up.
"F TUCKER"

Geez. I need to go destroy a city or something.
Rampage status.

yikes. this will haunt me.
i remember that day, though. i slept under my computer desk. haha
stupid, huh?
maybe ill do that tonight.

the worst thing is—i know it's bad for me...i just couldn't stop myself this time.
dang it.

POTATO.

because we have shirts...

hahahaha. andy samberg makes the world go round.

---------------------------------------------------------

i made a video touring part of my house and my extremely messy room... haha and then i fell asleep...AGAIN. for the 5th time today. i think i have mono. sickk.
oh no...
or maybe it's greg rubbing off on me. i swear.
LOL.
sleeeeeeeeeeeep...ive been sleeping so hard lately...i think im still recuperating from the retreat...definitely didn't sleep as much as my body desires.
so nom nom has been so awesome as to help wake me up when my alarm fails me :D

*wonders—"will creepo call tomorrow?"
IDEA
WE SHOULD 3 WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to the person who stole my cookies: what the deuce man!? i hate you. i was craving a mountain of tagalongs and i was left with one. i still savored it's peanut buttery chocolate goodness, but what the fudge! im still furious that someone would do such a thing. WHY!? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!??
*rips out hair.

ITS MY FREAKING COOKIES. you don't do that yo! WTFREAK...

i hope you get nutted so bad that your babies come out looking like gerbils!

aha...sike. well maybe. DONT MESS WITH MY FOOD!!!

resurrection of the forgotten

i am terrible at making good names for poems...
so ill name this:

Shoooooooting Star
A little while ago,
In a galaxy not far from our own,
There was a little star
Whose luster brilliantly shone.
Everyone marveled at the greatness of this star
Illuminating bright, strong and far.
And down here at earth
Someone saw his great light
And opened her curtains
To lighten the night
But this little star
Had never once seen the sun
He thought that out of all the stars,
He was the brightest one.
He thought that to this little girl,
Who admired his gleam,
He was the center of all she could dream.
But unfortunately,
Things weren't all that they seemed.
This little girl had something else
That the little star couldn't see.
And so, the little star shone,
And guided her
Through the night
This star shone for the little one
To give her illuminated sight
But during the day,
When the star was gone,
He would not see
That he was wrong
There was the sun,
Whom he would never meet
It provided warmth, light and heat
So to this little girl
The star eventually became obselete
She said, I'm sorry,
But I don't need you anymore.
I know it seems harsh
And she pointed at the door.
The star was shocked, sad and distressed
He said, Why? What did I do to get in this mess?
Nothing, you see; Is what she replied
The sun is so bright, but your light's starting to die
And so
The little star decided to show her
Just what he could do
He felt there was something
He still had to prove.
And so he mustered all his
Energy and lit up the night
Radiating from this star, came a blinding light.
But the little girl said
What did you just do?
And he replied
Can't you see? I can shine too!
She shook her head
And said Look at you now!
You have no shine, you're as bright as a cloud!
The star felt miserable, glum and depressed
He was only trying
To shine his brightest.
So then like a bullet,
He went off in a shot,
Jealous of this sun that she thought was so hot.
And so he became just
Another shooting star
That felt so close
And was yet so far.

-----------------------------------------------------

originally, i was going to write some super emo poem. but thats lame right now.
this one isn't super emo. but its meant to be semi-sad.
happy happy
...........?
for some reason, my heart just sunk. right...like 5 seconds ago.
when i was typing "happy happy"
wtheck. weird? ironic?...why?



broken pieces of my heart carried off in the winds
our distance growing, her love rescinds
i am ever failing, can i ever win?
discontent with myself, uncomfortable in my own skin
these wounds, its hard to heal
fear is how i fall.
confusing what is real

oh shit, i fail. disgraceful.

if you have no reason to be happy...do you become sad?
but if you no have reason to be sad, do you become happy?
is it possible to be absolutely emotionless during consciousness?

so you want to know what happened?
a little while ago.
maybe just a year or so
i was slapped in the face
like a bitch you would know.
when i looked to the sun it was covered with clouds
i looked for the light but darkness enshrouds.
but I end it here.


what am i doing? what am i doing with myself?
why?

absolutely nothing. pointless. worthless.
contempt is what's left.
its my fault.
stop with the pity parties.

bow chika bow-ow...


this is what ill do.

BLEED IT OUT
Here I go for the hundredth time
Hand grenade pins in every line
Throw 'em up and let something shine
Going out of my fucking mind
Filthy mouth, no excuse
Find a new place to hang this noose
String me up from atop these roofs
Knot it tight so i won't get loose
Truth is you can stop and stare
Run myself out and no one cares
Dug the trench out laid down there
With a shovel up out of reach somewhere
Yeah, someone pour it in
Make it a dirt dance floor again
Say your prayers and stomp it out
This is the sin

Shotgun opera lock and load
Cock it back and then watch it go
Mama help me I've been cursed
Death is rolling in every verse
Candy paint on his brand new hearse
Can't contain him he knows he works
Fuck this hurts, I won't lie
Doesn't matter how hard I try
Half the words don't mean a thing
And I know that I wont be satisfied
So why try ignoring him
Make it a dirt dance floor again
Say your prayers and stomp it out
This is the sin

*yawn.

you're always unwilling when i need you most.
you're always absent when im in pain.
where'd you go?

got some froyo at twist with a friend...once again i get tart + mochi and some sour gummie worms to chew on...
the employee still recognizes me. haha.
i like this place. two thumbs up.

and then...
oblivion.
im wiped from history

am i hoping to be remembered? am i scared of being forgotten?
maybe.
and maybe, just maybe...
i shall be part of this so called "tragic glory"...

busy schedule.
busy mind.
nonchalant body.

lacking energy. lacking determination right now...

sooo...tired.

post-weekend hangover...redundant? whatever. good night. tired.

intro to the OMC saga

Yuttlong
Dreeg
Sult
Depri
Veyn
Lohts
Thraw


all of you that i named...you are the causes...you are the reasons.
you are the problems. 7 ways to death.
and

i am the one-man conspiracy.

-------------------------------------------------------

haha. i get bored after CST testing.......anyways....

venice spring retreat '09 was awesome. the royal canadian lodge we stayed at was HUGE. the food made for us rocked. love the snyders and ms huang.
ANYWAYS. i am currently on the way to dinner so i will post pictures & elaborate etc later.

i was inspired today...about ish and that and this etc.
maybe ill compose something later.

*sigh.

"poontang and pootytap"

uhm...um...

"actually, ill skip the profanity. *thinks "does it hurt?" im not sure. but i cant believe i bought that bullshiP, but fLuck you mother lovers"

i was uber pissed...but be proud. because it was only for a minute or so.
im okay now. but it hurts. ya know? i thought i had finally figured it out (apparently i didn't) but it's okay. i think i have all the pieces now...?

anywho, it's in the past. im sure i'll forget about it.

word...
don't cross me on the street.
i loathe people like you.
so much that
i might even drop my burrito to hurt you.

*gasps

[R. Kelly]
This is the remix
Kells Ush & T you all flossing hard off in the club, we're about to triple up

[T-Pain Verse]
Hi my name is Teddy
Unfortunately you all don't know me
But I couldn't help but over hear what you all was saying about te-te
See I, I know her too
Obviously so do you
So I'm gonna get in this conversation too
Do she got a crib?
[R. Kelly]
Yep
[T-Pain]
By the waffle house
[R. Kelly]
YEP
[T-Pain]
Did she show you that thing that she be doing with her mouth?
[R. Kelly]
MAN
[T-Pain]
She know how to cock them legs back
The greatest sex in your life
[R. Kelly]
YEP
[T-Pain]
Yeah I know 'cause she's my wife
[Usher]
WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON DOG
Nigga ain't no "hold on "back up"
You all niggas gonna make me act up
I'm out here busting my ass for her
and you all out here tearing her back up
And you just can't tell me that you didn't see that ring on her finger
I'm even tryna help her be a singer
That's why she was at that party in Atlanta,
When I told her ass not to go out to Chicago
While I'm out here doing my thing in Tallahassee
You all out here treating my wife like a straight hoe
I can't believe this Bitch
I can't believe this Shit
Everything I ever did for her I'm taking it back, I'm so through with it
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
I took time out of my life to have these niggas fuck my wife and call her...

[Chorus]
Same Girl [4x] T-Pain & Kells Kells
The Remix Same Girl T-Pain & Kells

[R. Kelly Verse]
Hold up [4x] Wait a minute
Just wait one got dog on minute
You can't do the remix without putting some "R'er" in it
'Cause I hit it first square business
At the Ritz in the Chi square business
It's the king of the flirt square business,
Nigga I ain't gotta lie square business
She's my shawty my tenderonni
My booty call when I'm horny
I am Bobby this is Whitney when we getting HIGH (HIGH)
Spent that money played that game

Got good brains she made it rain
She's my limp and I'm her pain
you're sure we talking about the same
She she call me big old head
And I call her bobble head
The way she wiggle it when I'm hitting it from the back up in my bed,
and the way she be screaming my name
and the way she be giving me brain, and when it's all over
She say...
Kelly you got the game
So back up T or it's gonna cause you some pain
Man I wish you would call her the same

Now can I flip can I flip
You can flip it
Snap ya fingers

[R. Kelly Verse]
Yeah... yeah you all yeah... I like this
If you're in the club let me see you two stepping right now
Come on put your stunners on
Gonna two step [repeat]
I'm in the club with a drink in my hand
Stunting hard looking like about a hundred grand
Ready to spend it all
So shawty take it off
Just call the club a gym 'cause a niggas ready to ball
Think I'll buy the bar
Leave with her in my car
Hit it with my stunner on like a rock star
I know you all think I'm crazy
Kells gonna wild B-I-ITCH
This is just a freestyle
Whoah... yeah
you all sound so beautiful now usually I don't do this but uhhh
I'm gonna go ahead and do it
c'mon and snap your fingers with me Michael Jackson style
"Snap your fingers do your step you can do it all by yo self"

i got a hair cut...yup.
and just in time for the spring retreat.

]: i miss my hair already! sad.


i love the lonely island. crack me up.
andy samberg is awesome!



hahaha. eva mendes plays a nazi. rofl.

blah...

too lazy to blog for reals...

CHECK IT YO!

another night

this weekend was much appreciated. busyness isnt bad. hectic schedules and chaos are, though. and stress...just as much.

its now monday, and ill be off to school soon enough.

i dont know what to say...

Happy Belated Mothers Day!

today, i surpassed 1000 tweets. lol idk if thats good. but oh well. *tweet tweet.

random fact about me: when i was little, pink was my favorite color. my favorite color is currently blue. (it really depends, though)

my dad bought more dim sum for us to chow on in the morning and as snacks etc.

im really interested to see what we are going to be doing in APUSH...seeing as there's nothing left to study.

i feel so relaxed...im not going to lie, but this weekend, i did absolutely nothing academically productive.
no homework, no reading, no studying. nothing.
the only thing that was remotely close to "academically productive" was checking my student planner to check for early dismissal this tuesday (to shop for nom nom more)

-edited my last attempted "poem"
-uploaded videos on youtube...etc
goodnight

you make me so mad >:[
that i want to kick puppies

or make SUPER spicy kimchi :O

-----------------------------------------------------

oh well.

other than that. i am ZEN [:

APUSH free...! weeeeeeeeeeeee.

just made some MORE pasta...uhh...is that the 4th or 5th time this week?
yikes.
well i made lots and lots of other stuff...lots of beef.

sad because there's like no pb puffins left.

...*tear



visiting/eating with/picking up brother (and friends) from UCLA tomorrow.
they're having some party over here...idk what i'll be doing
but im bound to steal some food from their little shindig.

maybe ill vlog while everyone is over...i haven't vlogged for a while anyways.
and if i have the time and energy, i'll do another when i come back from kbbq!...?

TAHOE G. here i come!

-------------------------------------------------

been listening to Elliott Yamin the past couple of days.
his album Fight For Love
songs to highlight...

Don't Be Afraid
Fight For Love
This Step Alone
How Do I Know
Apart From Me



Don't Be Afraid - Elliott Yamin

Ohhh- yeahhhh-
I don`t mean to bother you i see you with your girlfriends
Wanna know if you got any plans for the weekend
Can i pick you up around 7 you let me know when.
That`s when she says she's got a man�
I don`t see a ring on your fingers so what you sayin'
Why your girls look at you so crazy c'mon stop playin'
If it's not too much can i at least know what your name is
Girl why you tellin' me u cant

Don`t be afraid to fall in love
Cause i don't believe in giving up
Please give me a chance to earn your trust
Cause i know i can be everything that you need
Don`t be afraid to fall in love
And don`t ever say that is just too much
Cause you never know i could be the one
Girl we're not all the same
Babe don`t be afraid to love

You say that every man is lookin' for just one thing
You say they love you but they really don`t know what it means
How can you think that way when you know nothin' about me
I say you runnin' away
I'll buy you nice things that i cannot pronounce
And if you let me love you babe i will turn you on
I'll stay committed and i promise i would be around
Your life will not be the same

Don`t be afraid to fall in love
Cause i don't believe in giving up
Please give me a chance to earn your trust
Cause i know i can be everythin' that you need
Don`t be afraid to fall in love
And don`t ever say that is just too much
Cause you never know i could be the one
Girl we`re not all the same babe don`t be afraid to love

If you try
Its not a waste of time
You will find
That love is what you need in your life
Just let it go
Nobody's gonna hurt you
Don`t say no
Tell me what i need to do
To make you see that you don`t have to be that way
Just don`t be afraid!

Wooo -
Don`t be afraid
Don`t be afraid
To fall in love!

Don`t be afraid to fall in love
Cause i don't believe in giving up
Please give me a chance to earn your trust
Cause i know i can be everythin' that you need
Don`t be afraid to fall in love
And don`t ever say that is just too much
Cause u never know i could be the one
Girl we`re not all the same babe don`t be afraid to love

Hooo -
Don't be afraid!

post-APUSH test.

uhg. that did not go as well as i had hoped...
it wasn't necessarily difficult...but i lost track of time and i expected the proctor to call out the remaining time
30 mins left, 15 mins left, etc.
i couldn't see the clock at all from where i was sitting because the flags were in the way and i feared that if i moved too much to see the time, it would look like i was cheating. and plus i figured that since she hadn't called the time, i was just working fast...
so i was totally caught off guard when she said "stop working, time is up" because last year, in both AP's and even in AP's this year, the remaining time was announced. i hadn't even gotten to the last 10 or so questions of the test...*sighs
oh well. lesson learned. next time i will ask for the time and/or bring a watch.

anyways!...im so relieved that it's over. i didn't even go to 4th or 5th period after. lol
im feeling totally zen. and at least i didn't end up killing myself from the stress...it can only go uphill from here (hopefully).

Gummy Tummies.
PENGUINS w/soft tummies.

the TINIEST chocolate covered edamame...!

that's sriracha sauce.
i was making my famous red (communist) burger.
ROFL.

TERRIBLE tan from tennis...
oh dear. well at least tennis is over...
good?

white body.

gaining...weight...

gaining..........................................

WEIGHT. (in fat form)

yesssssss. tomorrow we're going out to korean bbq for mitchell's birthday :D



hopefully...there won't be any drama...



blah blah blah blah.

gummy tummy penguins w/soft tummies rock!

hmm...i haven't yelped for a while.
when AP's are over...i shall (hopefully).

i had like 3 dinners tonight. i can't stop eating.
my diets almost always end up in failure.

AP test in less than 48 hours.
i think im going to stay home tomorrow...to study for APUSH.

i MIGHT commit suicide tomorrow. just a warning.

for once, i'm NOT looking forward to a friday....

------------------------------------------

my dad just offered me a drumstick (the ice cream) and i turned it down!
im proud of myself.

*dreams of saturday.

yes... this will definitely appease my avaricious appetite and rising stress level.

i want to write another "note" but i dont think i have the inspiration to write anything worth while. that's why i am doing this. YEAH.

sorry to be a downer
but today hasn't been the greatest...



i hurt my shoulder. stupid subluxation. i hate it when this happens.

right now im tired and thirsty.


drama drama drama.

she said...
so he said...
then they said...
and i was like "whhaat!?"

--------------------------------------------------

peanut butter puffins...about 1 serving left ]: sadd...
still super hungry. i want to make some pasta...again!?

this night has been so wack.

im kicking myself right now, for thinking i could wait for someone...anyone to make me crack a smile.
ah...
why have i been down lately!? wtfreak.
i need to start generating more happiness. a change of attitude...a shift in mentality. ill live.
my parents have always told me that im too hard on myself...and i always thought they just said that to say it.
maybe they've meant it all along.

i seriously just need to keep cool for a couple more days, then ill reach nirvana.



currently listening to: All Of The Above - Maino ft. T-Pain



ffffffaaaaaaaaadddddddddiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggggg aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy...



weee........................


p.s. its hot.

cinco de mayo-naise

woooooooooooooh.

i saw parisa at the pool today :D
*flashback flashback...good times.

also saw tali there.
woah. old school, literally. huh

i had lamb sliders after school.
and made some breaded chicken alfredo pasta for dinner.



made breaded chicken alfredo and am currently eating second dinner right now.

today...i had a lot of energy, but i still managed to fall asleep in math.
i dont fully understand, but my theory is that i just can't stay awake when the lights are off and math is being taught.
getting more sleep really DOES help.

i actually beat mitchell 21-6...am i on a roll? or are people just...not doing so hot?
OH well. *cues party music

uh...we play against westchester for second round invitationals tomorrow...
idk how we're going to do.

AP on friday...
meaning, i die in 3 days...or less. if i kill myself.

actually, its not going TOO bad. my current projected score is a 4
yay.

why does playoffs have to be the same time as APs!?
uhggggg....oh well. we have the venice retreat in 2 weeks...? well YEEEUhh!...excited for that :D

i need to stop eating...i am gaining not just weight, but width.
...i can justify this, though.
tennis tomorrow means i need energy.
pasta = carbs.
carbs = stored energy.
stored energy will come in handy for tomorrow's match.
YES. now i dont feel bad about being obese tonight.

...*cringes
i dont like "justifying" my irresponsible actions.

and on that note,
i cringed a lot today. the past really does come back to haunt you.....



p.s.
nom nom, i miss you!

im in bed before 1am! arent you proud??!...i had to inform rhino.

i just took a buttload of quizzes on fb. haha

so...tired...but still blogging in bed.

well...venice made it to the second round of play-offs.

i am exhausted...stupid hectic weekend. stupid SATs.

my eyes are watery again...

i think about you, in particular, somedays.

its all GRAVY yo!

im proud of myself.
its 1am and i am in bed :]

i heard this in the car while my dad was driving me to work: "wisdom does not come with age"...haha.

*crack crack

its like...your words are worthless because you have no idea what you are saying. you have no idea what you mean...nor do you believe in what is being diarrhea-ed out of your mouth...nor do you understand them. your obliviousness and inability to comprehend amazes me sometimes. it honestly,truly does.

*sigh?

please.

-----------------------------

i could really good for some bon bons...or sukiyaki. lol

*twitch twitch...

since friday to now, i had 10 hours of sleep...
for me, that's actually not too bad.
my agenda for this weekend was just a little more packed than i had expected it to be...so im pretty wiped.

what i had originally planned for:
saturday - SAT and party...WOOOH, right?
i ended up taking the SAT, going to an AP review session, partying and playing 2 tennis matches with the fam...

today, i only expected to go to church, work from 1-6 and play 2 tennis matches.
i ended up going to church, working from 1-8 and playing 4 matches.

scores:
#1 Singles 8-2
#1 Doubles 8-1
#4 Singles 8-4
#4 Doubles 8-0
i won all 4 :D woohoo...


uhg...now is not the time for extra mayhem...because i need to study for AP's (which i should be doing now)...my mom and dad just lectured me again.

aha...im so exhausted.

im debating whether or not to vlog tonight...
i can't THINK...and im freakin tired.

im excited, though?...friday maybe kbbq at tahoe for M's bday yo.

grandma made tri-tip...mmm.


at work, we ordered 12 pizzas, but ended up cancelling 4 of them...
i dont like cheese pizza. cheese pizza almost makes me angry lolll.
its such a waste of a topping. i dont even consider it a topping...i think ive complained about this before, but i'm just emphasizing the fact.
unless its EXTRA cheese...i don't count it as a topping. it's like going to coldstones and getting a plain french vanilla. not to say that their french vanilla is bad, but what about the mix-ins/toppings?!?! you can go to baskin robins if you just want plain ice cream.

i brought 2 pizzas home. haha.

i dont know what im saying anymore.
my feet are sore.
i feel gross.
im going to go take a shower.

and i want ice cream...
i think we are going to bake sugar cookies. yay! :D

no...im not going to vlog tonight.
esh.

i missed you this weekend, nom nom! hope all is well for everyone.

currently listening to: so sick remix (old school!) - ne-yo ft. tupac

i keep listening to this depressing song to get me to fall asleep.

im in bed...exhausted from today...

SATs...AP exam...party...tennis...

i was kind of irritable...woke up early on a saturday...eh.
im so glad that the party food was awesome...because it helped balance out my mood when it came to stress.

something i want to do/try/be a part of is improveverywhere...sickkk yo.

when i go to NY i have to check one of their missions out (if they are doing any)

my eyes are watery.

*yawn.

this song has been replaying....